Day 114: Today was stressful….

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Irritating things, on hold endlessly listening to irritating music and a voice that shows up every 30 seconds to tell me I’m on hold, Or, ‘Press 1 if you don’t want to lose your place in line and someone will call you back’, so I press #1 and two hours later I realized no one called me back. Three hours later I get a call back to find out I had the wrong department — I’m having trouble getting the force I needed to use my power washer, which BTW, I haven’t even used yet. So, I supposedly get transferred to another dept. and then get the same on-hold crappy music, which I listened to for 12 minutes before I gave up and hung up. I still don’t have my answer.

A scenario working with a popular advertiser on trying to yet again get that first page showing — funny how they can always show me I’m on first page, yet I try and can’t find me. But, they are popular and I know many who use them to find businesses, and for some reason, I liked the sales guy and so want to believe in them, I tried again. We have a follow up call in four days to see how my clicks are doing, and should I stay on at that level. Sigh…

The whole time I was working with him on the computer, Dell’s SupportAssist kept popping up to run a scan. I could not get rid of it no matter what I clicked, and then after a minute or two it would disappear, only to return ten minutes later to do the same thing. This happened throughout our conversation. It showed up here just as I was starting to write. So, if it happens again, this writing will stop and I will go to bed. Like an unexplained bad rash that comes and goes on it’s own and you don’t know why; you can’t stop it, you can’t heal it, you can’t hide it…

Soap cutting. I don’t care what I use, I just can’t cut them, evenly. It doesn’t matter so much about that because my soaps are good quality, so I don’t have a problem with that part, per se. It’s just they won’t weigh similar per bar, and so I must sell buy weight. That’s a bit hard -’So, you you want how many ounces of soap?’ vs ‘you want how many bars of soap?’ It could be ok if I had a store front and I could cut and weigh it out like they do at a meat counter, but I don’t. I’m going to have to rename my soaps — Rustic soaps, or something. I decided not to cut the second loaf tonight…

The whole day was shadowed by a sadness of a situation that I have no control over. It wasn’t ever supposed to be this way. I can’t leave, and I can’t stay.

I don’t think I manifested the Dell pop-up because of it. I enjoyed a Q & A I was on tonight, but this was the last one in a class I took. I will miss that camaraderie. She was my soap making guru. Hers were always perfect but she had these fantastic cutters and could cut 120 bars in no time. She said that you couldn’t buy her cutters, any more. Didn’t want to hear that.

So, as I was on hold today, I got on one of the FB Groups I hang out in. There was a lot of confusion of the new rules and ways of doing this particular industry. I’m amazed at how fast ‘someone’ is making plexiglass cages to put around your client’s head with armholes for you to poke through so that you can work on their face, all the while you are not only supposed to wear a mask, but a shield over the mask, as well. Of course, there is conflicting information about these “new world order” rules so many are confused what to do.

I can’t see me doing that, for one, it will distort my vision because of astigmatism. Only those who have it will understand. Even a couple of hairs falling over my eye can create a chaos in my vision, that stops me from being able to perform a task, if I am looking down. I can see through it but it seems to take depth perception away. As I’m not really active in that profession much any more, long story why, to which I don’t understand because I was good at it, but whatever.. I think I made the decision to just let that license lapse and focus fully on my other licensed profession, as there is no confusion how to be when you are with a client.

I read the story on Medium about the dopamine and seratonin levels, and where they are in the brain, and if there is even enough for some. Those who have great dopamine levels seem to be successful in life, and those who don’t get distracted, or lose interest, and just get by. I feel when the levels are wrong, it not only robs your motivation but it can make things not make sense. I believe that is me with my math issue and transposing numbers, and why I hated algebra, and why I have trouble with the technology of the automation and integration in computers. I don’t have that trouble when I am doing hands on work. That can make total sense to me. I’m good at that.

I hear Adderall makes your brain make sense of that, but they won’t give it to me. I know it would help me because in my teen years, someone gave me a ‘diet’ pill. I later went home that day and did my algebra homework and it made total sense to me. Anything that could make me stay focused on a subject I hated and felt so intimidated by, AND DO IT WITH EASE had to be good. I was hooked for years. Man, did I get a lot done.

Well, Dell’s SupportAssist is back so I guess I’m off to bed.

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Mary EK Denison

My vocation is in alternative health therapies; cosmetic acupuncture, oriental medicine, esthetics… Subscribe for a monthly newsletter