Day 120: Response to Emotional Bypassing
I don’t even know where to start with this. I read one or two other writings about being positive instead of negative, putting on a smile when you don’t feel like it, understanding that there are many in the world worse off than you and I should be grateful for all I have and not have a bad day. I am grateful for many of the blessings I have, and even some of the people who drive me the craziest are teaching me something. I so totally get this that I could scream, instead I break out crying like a baby and then am told my crying is from the devil, who is a liar. Yes, the devil is a liar, but my feelings are not, and part of those feelings could be a chemistry mix up in my brain, or it could be a limbic system response, or it could be that I’ve had a series of things gone wrong all at once and I’m tired and worn down.
Maybe dreams fell apart. I hear that especially true now, with the whole quarantine thing, and businesses lost, and money that was saved that got eaten up. We know that governments can’t keep supporting everyone, forever. We know that businesses that get to go back to work can only go at a 25% capacity. People get to feel bad, right now. People get to feel some pity, even though they are still eating but others in the world aren’t. I see so many ways people are trying to do good for others, but their own strained lives will eventually burst, somewhere. Then senseless things happen, like yesterday, when a man died at the hands of cops, and all the tension in people exploded because they have a right to be angry. It’s happened before. We know that. It’s hard to go back to ‘positive’ when this cloud hangs over where you live.
Things do tend to follow other things. “I want you just to be positive, for once” makes me just want to scream at this person, because I don’t need to have something added to my already hard day, because there are so many times I AM positive. And, in those positive states, I am able to lift others up and get many things accomplished. But, not always. Sometimes I have to learn to just listen to them, too. But, their thoughts can stir up your thoughts. Like attracts like, and you find your whole next day truly is working at 25% because your energy got zapped.
Sometimes you ARE in the wrong place if the person, or people around you stir up ‘negative’ feelings, or remind you of another unpleasant time. Maybe even the person is the one who keeps bringing you down and then lets you know they have it worse than you. Then you probably DO have trouble saying nice things, or even if they aren’t meant to hurt the person, but you don’t know how to say that being around them is bringing you down all the time. “Please don’t say that” “Please talk to me” “Please for the love of God don’t be mad at me”. Toxic relationships. Narcissistic friends, or worse, family members. They act shocked like they couldn’t possibly be the problem, because it is YOUR negative energy, or your bad mood when you are around them. Yes, it is best to get out of the relationship, but sometimes you can’t for a variety of reasons.
Go ahead, have a good cry, maybe two. Times are not easy for many, right now, and they have been worse in history, for sure. Grief is grief, and the same emotional chemistry is there whether it seems little to someone, or not. It’s going to go through the same steps to healing. If it doesn’t heal, maybe outside help is an option. Never feel bad that you might need to get it. It may not be needed forever, but it may be needed to get out of the funk.
