Day 131: What the shut-down is doing to the ones in nursing homes or assisted living.
Three months ago, when we were told to stay home to slow the spread of the corona virus, there were all kinds of mixed emotions about it. Coupled with people losing their jobs, and business owners losing massive amounts of income, unless their employees could work from home (service and hospitality industries could not), it has seriously put a huge financial strain on the majority of the people, world-wide.
In the USA many financial things were put into play to help ease some of that burden with PPP loans, Unemployment Insurance and this time self-employed people could collect even though they had not paid into it, mortgages and student loans were deferred through September — deferred, not forgiven, and stimulus checks were sent out. Even if some could still work, like medical clinics, dentists in an emergency, acupuncturists, etc., it was still meant to be done in a very small fashion — essential visits, only. This has been hard on many people, unless you weren’t affected by it because you had a home-base online business and were an introvert. If you didn’t have children, you didn’t have to contend with home schooling them, or maybe not have daycare so you could work at home. Anyone who has children young enough to have needs and tries to work at home, know that their life just got complicated very fast.
But, that’s not what I want to talk about, this is just a precursor to another issue. Not everyone may be dealing with this if they don’t have aged parents, spouses, or people in later stages of autoimmune illnesses that affect nerves and muscles, like MS, or ALS, etc. Once their issues progress to the point where they can’t live at home any longer, they need to be under some care of specialized living places. The children or family members typically are people who visit them, and sometimes take care of their needs out of love, and out of concerned for overworked staff members, who simply can’t give the time to handle the emotional needs of these residents. It’s not their fault, it just takes a lot of time; hence, family helping out. In the case of an aged parent, it can fall on one of their children to do more of the hands on work. Maybe some of their siblings live outside of the state where the parent resides. For the sake of this writing, let’s just narrow it down to one or two of the aged parent’s children. And, many times this child has their own job and family to take care of, and these caregivers can get worn down, just as fast.
One of my clients has a mother who lives in such a place. This mother is sharp as a tack, is in her early 80s but has hip joint issues, and can no longer walk, so she is in a wheelchair in her two rooms plus bath assisted living space. She was active and went down to supper in a very beautiful dining room, got the newspaper daily from two cities, and was in a book club. She always had news type TV on when I came, and she didn’t seem to give herself time for fun, except the book club but I am sure they were serious reading instead of fun. She was a teacher when she worked. And, she is a non-stop talker.
Because she could not get out — one of those electric wheelchairs and no one in her family had a lift on a van, she wanted to receive massage. I said I would do that for her. I used to do homecare work, which included a variety of duties and I did very much love the work. I sustained some physical injuries so I couldn’t keep it up. As long as I didn’t need to transport a massage table, and could give it in their bed, I was willing to go meet her.
We planned a meet and greet night, and she talked the entire time about her issues. I could tell her daughter was impatient with her because she was happy to introduce us, but I was sure she hadn’t planned on spending lots of time being there. She would try and push her mother into “let’s make a decision and you can explain things to Mary later on”. My client thought I would be coming once a month to see her mother and her mother wanted me to come once a week. I stated my fee, which includes travel time and we decided that I would come the same time every week. I knew, and was prepared to be the ear she needed because when you spend a lot of time alone, you need people and conversation. I always get a history lesson talking to people who lived a long time.
Several times when I would come, she would tell me that they lost one, or three people who had died. I know that there was always in the back of her mind when would it be her turn. You can’t not wonder about mortality when people around you are dying, often. The massages I gave her were mostly full body but the focus was on joints and the swelling that was beginning in her legs.
In comes COVID 19, and everyone is isolated. No one was allowed in to the home, and the residents were not allowed to come out of their rooms, except to get their mail. Meals were delivered and staff did only the ‘essentials’ for the residents. Many of them did not have computers to stay connected to the outside world, though they might have had TVs and radios. Family members were not allowed to see them. Doctor visits were much fewer unless absolutely necessary and many times when they came, they kept their distance so vitals weren’t taken.
I hadn’t seen my lady for three months but I recently spoke with her on the phone. Even though my massages were very light, per her request, they offered her circulation and gave her pain relief, and helped the swelling. I have been a Reflexologist and am an acupuncturist so I applied that knowledge to the massage to affect the meridians and zones.
She told me in our phone conversation that she put in a request to be able to allow me to come back since things were beginning to open up. During that three month absence others have died. She said that the corporation who owns the facility is more strict about letting people back in, than some others. She told me that the swelling in her legs was much worse, and she even commented that she wondered if she would make it to the end of the year. Swelling in the legs is a Kidney-Heart condition, and it’s possible she has congestive heart failure, or kidney breakdown.
I have heard stories of how loved ones are beginning to not eat, those with dementia have felt abandoned by their families and don’t understand why they are no longer coming, depression from lack of touch, conversation, and isolation is literally killing them. It seems that they swapped one illness for another. They need to let family and other care providers back in, as they can follow the same protocols as other places do to re-open. Masks, temperature checks, no contact with others who have been ill, etc. They were trying to keep the illness out, but they let another in.
Families have noticed that their loved ones are losing weight, stopped talking and seem disinterested in life, even though that was not the case before the shut-down. Staff members who come could bring the illness in like any other. When staff has been cut back, there is even less chance that the residents will receive the care they need beyond the necessaries. What family did for their parent, spouse, etc., that relieved the staff is just not getting done. Somewhere there has to be a compromise, soon. It didn’t stop these places from losing residents to illness, they are still dying, and some at a faster rate than if they had a reason to live.
It is time to re-open these facilities to the outside, again. Hair needs to be washed and cut, finger and toe nails need to be cut, baths need to be taken, and they need to be kissed again.
