WOW! So much here to take in. It takes a lot of discipline to become agile, especially for us reactors… I agree with so much of what you wrote, and I can see a lot of myself in this. As a child, we had to mostly hide how we truly felt unless it was happiness. That said, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t speak of our anger, but only once we became adults. As a child, displays of anger were met with anger. I learned how to have a poker face, then. Now, I hear that my face shows everything. I see no reason to hide from my emotions, anymore, but I do want to learn more agility because sometimes the present situation calls for control. But, I usually say what I feel and if I am upset about a situation that warrants talk, I tell it like I feel it. I also will own that I am in feelings, and try to move away from the situation until I can calm down. The hard part of that is when I am with someone I care about, and their situation involves me, but I can’t control the outcome no matter how much I try. Unfortunately, it can make my life very uncomfortable. Sadness occurs, and it is true, it is hard to be creative in those moments, and realistic assessments do seem impossible…until you can step away from it for a bit.
I especially liked what you said about what appears to be our society’s message of being positive and happy all the time. Yes, positivity is fantastic, but some situations are just simply negative. Repetitive abuses, financial issues that don’t seem to have a speedy outcome; thus, affecting a household, pretending a certain outcome is going to happen when it is quite clear that all facts point otherwise, trying to believe a loved one who keeps repeating the same adverse behaviors or words that won’t be backed up by positive actions.
There are so many ways that we become emotional, and I hope that moving away from the more intense ones doesn’t become a form of apathy, or uncaring attitude, especially when we are so frustrated by repetitive unhealthy behaviors of someone else, who keep involving you to solve them. Taking time alone for yourself to regroup is a positive way to deal with a negative situation. It is ok to feel anger at someone we love — even at God. He and I have had some real rounds…. but coming back into the positive emotion of love, is where I want to end. And I get back there through gratitude, which begets faith, which begets trust, which begets love.
